AUSTIN POWERS: International Man Of Mystery

My god Vanessa's got a fabulous body I bet she shag's like a minx

Vanessa I can explain! The fembots came in & machine guns started coming out of their jubleys! So I worked my mojo to counteract their mojo's we got crossed mojonations & their heads started to fall off... and I ended here in my pants

There's only two things that scare me & one is nuclear war
~ Whats the other?
What?
~ The other thing that scares you...
ohh carny's. Nomads you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands!

Who does number two work for?

The details of my life are inconsequential. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy... the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical... summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds... pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it. You know, we have to stop.

Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes? I designed them myself.

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with freakin laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cant be done. Ah can you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly, throw me a bone here.

Im just trying to get a rise out of you for shits & giggles thats all
zipit!
Hey, look i'm zippy longstockings!
ZIPPIT!
does anyone want a Zuckle of my ZIPple!
Zip!
ZIP!
ZIP!
HELP, I'M IN A NUTSHELL, HOW DID I GET IN THIS NUTSHELL.
LOOK, AT THE SIZE OF THIS GREAT BIG NUTSHELL!
So, how do u want it? Do you like 2 wash first, u know top and tail?
just the top of the hair thats all i want! and im through and shoot and im through and shoot!

AUSTIN POWERS 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Well what is it spits or swallows baby?

I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs. I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs. Chilli baby back ribs

And whats your name baby?
~Ivana Ivana Humpalot
Excuse me
~Ivana Humpalot
And I wanna toilet made out of solid gold but its just not on the cards baby

RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIGHT!

I love you... you complete me

God we are so sexy...We are sexy bitches...yeah thats smashing baby we are two sexy bitches"

Cor, this coffee smells like shit
~ It is shit Austin
ohh right, then its not just me (SLURP) ...its a bit nutty

[Lyrics to "Just The Two Of Us"]

From the moment I heard Frau, say I had a clone,
I knew that I'd be safe 'cause I'd never be alone.
An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelin's,
My heart and my pain don't make me too apealin'.
I hoped Scott, would look up to me,
Run the business, of the family.
Head an evil empire, just like his dear ol' dad,
Give him my love and the things I never had.
Scott would think, I was a cool guy,
Return the love I have, make me want to cry.
Be evil, but have my feelings too,
Change my life with Oprah, and Mia Angelu.
But Scott rejected me, C'est La Vi,
Life is cruel, treat(s) you unfairly.
Even so, a God there must be,
Mini-Me, you complete me.

You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough.